Make This Resolution Today!
» Monday, September 28th, 2009 at 11:53pm |
Shakespeare said: "To thine own self be true."
Before that, the Greeks said: "Know thyself."
But what does it mean to know ourselves?
What does it mean to be "true" to ourselves?
It's taken me some time but I've discovered this to mean that we know the facts and we recognize the truth about ourselves.
Or in other words:
We understand Human Nature, both its constructive and destructive sides, and have also reached a point where we can identify these elements in ourselves.
The first problem can be accomplished relatively easily by reading the right information.
But the second problem is a little more difficult.
Here's why...
You know how when someone does something that is "working against them" and they seem to be clueless about what kind of affect it's having on their results or how others receive them?
You probably generally don't tell them, do you?
I mean, why would you?
For example, imagine a woman telling a guy who walked up with some cheesy pick-up line that it's not working and he should just relax and act like a "normal guy".
Of course, it does happen.
But it seems like most women have learned early on that responding this way is just going to bring them grief because the guy's generally going to get defensive and resentful and label them a "bitch".
I have met the very rare ones who do "say it like it is", however.
The thing about them is they're very strong:
They simply assert the facts without condemning them or using them as a way to make themselves "superior", and they refuse to accept a defense.
They expect that the facts and the truth will not be argued.
They will only be accepted, without exceptions.
I find no trait, perhaps, more attractive in a woman than this very quality.
Furthermore, when we do something annoying or have an irritating or negative habit, most of our friends, family or associates generally don't tell us either, do they?
So how are we supposed to figure these things out if we can't see them?
And if no one will tell us?
When I've recognized something "negative" in myself and I'm willing to accept it because I want to know the truth in order to change and I've asked a friend for an objective opinion, I've found some tend to try to excuse it for me!
I've never quite figured out why.
And perhaps it's gone the other way around too.
Maybe they have a reason to believe I'll get defensive about it and blame them and they simply want to avoid that.
Or maybe they don't want me to acknowledge it because they secretly don't want me to change.
I don't know.
So if these are the obstacles we have to work with, where does that leave us?
How do we get the facts about ourselves?
And how do we know the truth about ourselves if we don't have the facts, or they're inaccurate, or they're mere assumptions — or even ideals that don't hold true to reality?
In dealing with this problem, I've found one critical resolution absolutely necessary:
Prepare to accept EVERYTHING, especially the embarressing or those facts about ourselves that are going to insult our pride.
The reason is simple:
We'll never see what we're not open to seeing, and if the things we need to see the most are exactly those things we would rather not, how does that help us?
So remember this:
Where the ego was not insulted, no great lesson was ever learned.
| Published by Jay Julio under Beliefs and Attitude |
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The Reality of Fear and the Importance of Awareness
» Sunday, September 27th, 2009 at 04:57pm |
Ask any random person what they fear and how do most respond?
"I fear nothing!"
But listen to what they say in normal conversation, and if you know how to recognize the expressions of fear, you'll probably notice something very peculiar...
Their words betray them.
For scattered in the language of their everyday conversation is found the evidence of every single fear.
They just don't know it.
The reason is simple:
They don't know the reality of fear, nor how to identify them.
In fact, it's been my experience that those who claim to fear nothing are exactly the ones who are infected with all of the fears combined.
I've seen this in myself and through the observation of others.
Furthermore, it is our dominating fears that tend to affect others negatively, as it seems our character defects are generally rooted in the fears we let ferment in our minds until they become unconscious habits.
And if we aren't aware of them, generally through ignorance or sometimes pride, doesn't this mean that we won't be aware of how our fears impact others?
Then what do we do?
What if, through our fear, we cross someone else's boundaries without knowing it — due to our ignorance of the realities of fear and perhaps our lack of self-awareness — and they get upset?
How do we tend to respond?
Are we quick to step back and analyze ourselves?
Are we rational in questioning our secret motives and their corresponding expressions or behaviors?
No!
Isn't the reality generally the opposite:
Don't we get offended at the truth about ourselves and become indignant?
Don't we defend ourselves and dictate our greatest argument, hoping we will be excused of our "bad behavior"... so we don't have to admit we're "wrong"?
Don't we tend to blame others for responding negatively to our "bad behavior" rather than looking at what we did to trigger it?
And for what?
After all, what's the result?
Loss of trust. Loss of respect.
The reason appears simple:
When others can see we're at fault yet we refuse to acknowledge and admit it to ourselves — and more importantly, to them — nothing we can say or do will truly convince them of the opposite.
Sure, they may "back down" and eventually agree with us.
But do they do it because they believe us... or to ease the burden we're being on them?
The truth is, they will only resent us more for it.
Yes, this is a glum scenario — but it's a reality, and I say it with purpose...
The importance of it is this:
After we've given ourselves an education of the reality of fear and we've developed the necessary self-awareness through continual self-analysis and self-observation, we can gain the facts about ourselves.
We know our fears, we know how they manifest themselves, and we know how those manifestations affect others.
This empower us:
Now no longer do we defend ourselves.
Now no longer do we excuse ourselves.
Now no longer do we justify ourselves.
Now no longer do we apologize for ourselves.
And now no longer do we feel the need to compensate for our weaknesses.
We accept ourselves because we HAVE the facts. We KNOW the truth about ourselves. And though we recognize how the truth affects others, we also REFUSE to let others hold it over our heads when it does not concern them — or if it does and we're putting in the personal effort.
To "know fear" is more beneficial than to have "no fear".
| Published by Jay Julio under Character and Personality |
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Alcoholics, Drug Addicts... and Pick-Up Artists
» Thursday, September 24th, 2009 at 06:54pm |
Would I be safe to assume that most of us probably share a very similar view of alcoholics and drug addicts?
I imagine most of us don't exactly hold them up as models of self-respect, do we?
The truth is I look at Pick-Up Artists in the same light.
In fact, I consider them self-disrespecting to the same degree.
Now, before going further, a distinction should probably be made:
It seems to me there are genuine Cool Guys out there who do consider themselves Pick-Up Artists, meaning they're also doing the work on themselves and improving who they actually are.
But when I think of Pick-Up Artists, I think of guys who attempt to change their behavior for the sole purpose of eliciting an attraction response from women, even if it's not congruent with who they really are underneath.
And though I do consider this to be a valuable part of the learning process, I look at it in the same sense that training wheels can be valuable in learning to ride a bike:
Their purpose for being there is to get rid of them as soon as possible!
I mean, who would put training wheels on their bike just because they're too lazy to learn how to balance by themselves?
Yeah, that's how I look at Pick-Up Artists.
Sure, "attraction techniques" can be useful in helping us balance our masculinity but they need to be thrown out if we truly want to be men.
Which brings us to the point...
When seeing a drug addict on the street or the obvious alcoholic, how many times have you stopped to consider how he got there?
Have you ever imagined him in younger, perhaps even confident days?
Certainly, there may be a good chance that he was once a vibrant young kid full of big dreams and aspirations for his life.
So what happened?
What changed his path?
Where did things go "wrong"?
Let me ask you this:
Can you remember your first drink?
If you're like most, you were probably young and just having fun with your friends, exploring and experimenting with "new experiences".
In fact, you probably look back on those days relatively fondly.
But if you think about, what's the difference between getting drunk for the first time and the alcoholic getting drunk for the first time today?
Isn't the actual act essentially the same?
So why do we tend to despise the alcoholic getting drunk yet we might envy our friends going out to the bar to "party" while we have to go to work or do school work?
Yet if you think about, isn't this the exact scenario where alcoholics get their start?
I mean, if they knew where they'd end up, would they have continued?
It's fun, new, and exciting in the beginning.
The same thing applies to the most deprived drug addict.
It probably started as "fun" and just "experiments".
But by the time they realize they no longer have the choice, the "external" circumstance surrounding the drink or drug have completely changed from fun to misery and deprivation.
Well, what if the Pick-Up Artist path follows the same route?
After all, how many Pick-Up Artists do we see later in life?
If they're still in the "fun, new, and exciting" phase, certainly it can be appealing.
We can even envy their so-called "success".
But perhaps we don't yet see the big picture.
It seems most of us dream of finding a great woman to have a great long-term relationship with one day, at least when we're ready and when the time is right.
In fact, I would argue that this is the biggest craving of the Soul behind each and every one of us.
Yet if you look at the older Pick-Up Artists who are now pushing 40 and beyond, how many of them are not only married but happily married?
I'm not aware that there is one.
We know that guys try to "buy" women's affection with money, favors and time for the sole reason that they fear being lonely.
It's the same with techniques:
We use them in the same way, to accomplish the same secret motive; to attempt to compensate for our fear of ending up alone rather than overcoming the fear itself and accomplishing what we really want.
For if that fear is present in our mind, it will come to be, eventually.
It must.
It's a fact of Nature.
| Published by Jay Julio under Women and Relationships |
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Is There More To Bragging Than Meets the Eye?
» Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 at 06:08pm |
During my early to mid twenties, many probably would have considered me arrogant, "over-ambitious" and perhaps even conceited.
In fact, I tended to brag or talk myself up quite a bit and drop the names of so-called "famous" or "prestigious" people I had met.
I thought I had all the "right" answers and solutions.
And maybe, sometimes, I did.
But so what?
At the time, I had no idea that these are the obvious signs of a person with an "inferiority complex".
Then it happened one day:
I met a guy who taught me a very important lesson...
Well actually it was one of those situations where someone teaches you what NOT to do.
Sometimes, I find these teachers to be even more valuable than those who show me what I "should" do.
The reason is simple reason:
What we "should" do often takes care of itself when we learn to identify and stop ourselves from doing what we "shouldn't".
So to make the story short, somehow we got on a topic and he started bragging about how he could do "this" and do "that".
Of course, I was thinking something like, "You arrogant little douchebag."
And the truth is it seemed obvious to me that he didn't really even know what he was talking about.
Well, a little later that same day I started considering it, and I realized that there were many times when I acted in exactly the same way:
"Aaaaah, man... I DO THAT TOO!"
Nothing quite like a nice psychological blow to the ego.
It was at that moment that I vowed to do my best to rid myself of it.
Isn't it almost funny how we don't always notice how annoying something we do is until we have someone do it in front of us?
Furthermore, isn't it also interesting to note that the things which tend to annoy us most in others are exactly those things we are least aware of that are most prevalent in ourselves.
Then it hits us like a ton of bricks.
Now, most of us probably know that talking ourselves up or self-righteously imposing our views is going to turn others off — eventually, if not immediately — but is there more to it than just the friction and silent animosity it generates?
A few months ago, I was having a conversation with my mom and we got to talking about work and I mentioned as a matter of fact that I was making more in spite of the recession.
It didn't come off in a boasting sort of way, but maybe I missed something.
At any rate, about a week later my income took a nose dive.
I mean, it really bombed!
Around this same time, I mentioned to my Alexander Technique teacher that I used to get this recurring headache quite frequently but had since completely disappeared sometime after studying the Technique and had never returned.
Well, guess what?
You've probably got it...
That week, it came back multiple times, in full force!
Again, I was under the impression I was simply stating the facts.
But was I?
I don't know.
Facts or not, maybe it doesn't matter.
But what I do know is that there really seemed to be a connection between what I expressed and the events that followed.
Coincidences?
Maybe.
Then again, I've experienced this same sort of thing many times over.
From your experience, what would you say?
At any rate, who we are, what we do or what we have does not make us great.
They do not make us "special" in anyway whatsoever.
In fact, if there is anything that makes a man great, it is when he is, does and has what others perhaps envy him for yet he does not use them in any way to get attention, admiration or applause...
But instead for the benefit of others.
| Published by Jay Julio under Beliefs and Attitude |
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3 Week Program To Build Confidence Meeting Women
» Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009 at 12:49am |
Yesterday I mentioned the release of my new eBook "Cool Guy Dating Tips" and the limited-time discount, so just in case you missed it here's the link again:
http://www.coolguywithwomen.com/coolguydatingtips/
It's the biggest book I've put together yet, totalling over 550 pages.
You may find it to be something you can read a little bit every morning and take one idea with you into your day to practice.
Then do the same thing for the next day.
And so on.
You'll probably find that by focusing on just one specific thing during the day, improvement will be constant and consistent.
That's what I've found anyway...
It actually generates the FASTEST results or changes just because it makes taking action easier.
The reason is that you're not trying to master everything all at once.
Instead you take it one step at a time.
That's why I would strongly recommend you check it out:
http://www.coolguywithwomen.com/coolguydatingtips/
It seems like a lot of guys try to learn exactly what they need to do in every situation and that by "knowing" all the steps — it actually stops them from taking action!
The reason is simple:
It makes them even more scared that they're going "screw things up".
After all, if they "know" exactly what to do, things should go perfectly everytime, shouldn't they?
But the truth is:
They don't.
Becoming better at talking to women and interacting with them in a fun way is incremental.
In fact, the quickest way to fail is to try to do it all at once!
Taking it one step at a time by applying a little bit of info each day will allow you to integrate what you learn from direct personal experience rather than "thinking" it all through in your head...
And then ending up doing nothing about it.
The reason is simple:
You remove the feeling like you have to hurdle over a huge ravine instead of just taking a small step in the journey.
And if you know what I'm talking about here, I think you'll find this eBook is just what you need:
http://www.coolguywithwomen.com/coolguydatingtips/
What I would recommend is that after you download it, read one section every day in the morning.
Then do your best to apply just that ONE THING during the day.
Think about it:
If you do that consistently each and every day, what would happen in just one week?
One month?
One year?
For example, imagine what you would be like two weeks from now if you made it your goal to just start a conversation with one stranger every day.
That's pretty simple to do.
In fact, that's what one section of my eBook talks about:
If you're having trouble approaching women and starting conversations, start practicing on other people that are less "intimidating", like the clerk at the convenience store...
Or the old woman in the grocery store line-up.
Then slowly work your way up.
And if that's already no problem for you, imagine what it would be like to strike-up a conversation with just one woman a day.
Nothing major, just small talk.
Because guess what?
Some are naturally going to get into deeper conversations.
It's inevitable.
And some will automatically lead to getting phone numbers... and so on.
Imagine doing that for an entire year...
That'll be 365 experiences at initiating a conversation with complete strangers, many of which will be cute women by that time.
In fact, if you make it your goal to strike-up a conversation with just one person a day, and if you're "stuck in a rut" right now, you may very well find that just doing that will change your world around.
I would encourage to make this a goal for just 3 weeks.
Make a promise to yourself today that you will do this.
And in 3 weeks, if you've kept your promise to yourself, email me tell how it went.
I'm willing to bet you'll say that meeting people in general, women included, is now just a part of ordinary life...
Just like getting up and getting ready for your day.
In fact, if you do this you probably will find that you don't need any more material, but during that time if you run into problems in your conversations, flip to some of the articles in the eBook on them.
Just read those and try them out the next day and see how that changes things.
You've probably heard it before, but...
"Slow and steady wins the race."
It's true.
There's no such thing as "instant success". There's only small steps, each taken one after the other.
http://www.coolguywithwomen.com/coolguydatingtips/
| Published by Jay Julio under Women and Relationships |
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How Strong "Family Values" Kills Our Chances In Life
» Saturday, September 19th, 2009 at 12:31pm |
I've made an interesting observation, especially over the past year:
The more approval a man gets from the family he was raised in, along with his extended relatives, the LESS respect he tends to get from "The World".
While the more he is disapproved of by his family, the MORE "The World" tends to respect him.
There's a rational reason for this.
If you have not yet observed the facts and realized this truth in your own experience and you plan to get what you want from your life, this is a realization that will reveal itself to you in time.
Though it might be worth preparing for by expecting it before it happens.
The reason is simple:
Your family will probably condemn or "guilt trip" you for realizing it.
They may attempt to convince you it's not true.
Furthermore, denying it and then convincing ourselves this is not a reality will short-circuit our personal pursuits for a grander life because it may prevent us from analyzing ourselves and perhaps noticing the ways we play into it.
If you've studied any amount of "success philosophy", this truth is a trend that reverberates throughout the messages of practically every Great Teacher and Philosopher throughout the ages.
Society and culture tell us: "Family is most important."
The Wise Men say: "Family will destroy your Soul."
In fact, isn't it interesting to note that when the Master Jesus' family came to see him, he refused to let them in?
Yet He took it even further:
He publicly "rejected" them in front of his audience!
Why?
Let me warn you, this is not for the faint of heart. It may take some courage to accept, depending on your upbringing:
With very, very few exceptions, your family does not want you to change.
The truth is, they like you exactly where you are today.
They want you to remain the same, even if you want to change and you know it would be in your best interest — and even if your family knows it would be in your best interest!
Oh, they may tell you otherwise:
They may say they want "the best" for you.
They may say they want you to be happy.
But what's ironic about it is that, if you investigate that very sentiment, the motive behind it is the exact opposite.
In truth, the act itself contradicts the message.
What's more?
This is an issue that would, in the majority of cases, be unwise — or at least uncompassionate — to confront openly and directly without "insulting" someone.
Being the "bad guy" often seems to be the price of compassion.
History proves some are even killed for it.
Now if you're still wondering why The World respects the man who is disapproved of by his family, here's a simple demonstration:
Every family is it's own "culture"...
There are ways things are done within it that are "approved" of and even fostered — though they are often unspoken and communicated non-verbally — that are ALSO "disapproved" by The World.
So what's acceptable within the family may be completely unacceptable outside of it.
And if we've been led to believe that certain behaviors or ways of conduct are acceptable because we get approval and even encouragement to enforce them within the family, we tend to take them out into The World.
We expect The World to also accept and approve of them.
It does not.
Sometimes, it receives them quite the opposite.
If we don't understand how so-called strong "family values" and the effect the process underneath it has on us, we will not see — and perhaps not be open to seeing how our current conduct crosses the boundaries of the general public and unknowingly turns them into antagonists.
By following this demonstration it is probably quite clear:
Working at respecting The World by changing our conduct is bound to bring the disapproval of family.
The reason is simple:
Though it's usually unconscious on the part of both parties, we're generally taught disrespectful behavior in the family because someone is getting a short-term benefit from it.
In many cases, we too, may be receiving a short-term benefit.
These benefits, however, are destructive.
They are like stuffing ourselves with pastries every day; in the short-term they are satisfying to our taste but in the long-term, they destroy the body and the vital energies.
So it follows that to stop acting on many of the habits our family expects of us removes the opportunity for them to receive the destructive short-term benefits from them.
Thus, they condemn and disapprove in an attempt to hold onto those benefits.
Of course, the truth is you're actually doing them just as big a favor as you are doing yourself by inadvertently revealing how their behavior also does nothing for them...
But most likely won't or don't want to see it that way.
| Published by Jay Julio under Character and Personality |
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The Second Step To Living Your Dreams and Visions
» Monday, September 14th, 2009 at 01:38am |
In Step 1 we discussed some straight-forward ways on how to define your Ideal Lifestyle and how to come up with the exact amount of money you'd need to make it a reality — or set the foundation.
Now let's take it one step further:
Let's discuss how to get started coming up with some ideas on how to get that money...
Most of us look to jobs for making money.
In fact, unless we had wealthy parents, we were probably taught that they are the only realistic way to earn money.
Perhaps we heard the subtext: "Businesses are for "other" people, not for us."
But if a job won't allow you bridge the way to living your Ideal Lifestyle because of it's restraint on time, schedule and location, it obviously becomes necessary to look for an alternative.
... unless, of course, there's a job that fits your Ideal Lifestyle.
But since more times than not this probably won't be the case, the other alternative is to start a business (or go into real estate) that can either operate without you or you can operate it while living your Ideal Lifestyle.
For that should be the primary condition of starting a business, to bridge the way to living your Ideal Lifestyle...
Then you work on it until it's mature enough to work for you.
Or in other words, you can replace yourself with other people if you want to.
And since the essential necessity of any business is its product or service, the first thing is to brainstorm and maybe even develop that before a sales and marketing plan is worked out.
So here's some questions I've found helpful.
Perhaps they may serve you too.
"What have I learned that others would want to learn?"
It doesn't matter whether or not what you've learned is "conventional", as long as practical use can be made of it.
"What skills do I have?"
Take a complete inventory based on your past work experience and especially your hobbies and interests, no matter how insignificant some may at first appear to be.
Go over each job you've ever had and list the things you learned from it.
"What are my strengths?"
List what you consider to be your greatest strengths.
These are things that you've always seemed to naturally excel at.
"What problems have I solved in my life?"
We tend to share similar problems with other people. And if you've found a solution to a problem you've had, there may be others who would benefit from it too.
Maybe it's a new way of doing something or maybe it's a make-shift or under-developed invention you've come up with.
"Can I work any of my above answers together to fit in with my Ideal Lifestyle?"
Consider taking a few days to think about how all or some of your answers could be used together to develop a product or service that you would have enough excitement and passion about to give you the necessary persistence to see it through.
"Can I foresee it generating the amount of income that coincides with the amount of money I need for my Ideal Lifestyle?"
With the product or service ideas you come up with, can you see it being possible to generate the amount of money your Ideal Lifestyle demands?
If you answer "Yes", you may very well have found your solution.
| Published by Jay Julio under Money and Business |
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Reverse-Engineering Attraction... Seriously?
» Saturday, September 12th, 2009 at 06:52pm |
Who was it?
Walter Crysler?
... who spent his entire life savings to purchase a car only to dismantle it and put it back together again, over and over again... to the astonishment of his family and friends?
They thought he was crazy.
But was he crazy?
Not at all.
You may know he was being smart.
After all, why would any man focused on achieving his purpose attempt to explain himself just to satisfy the "concern" of meddling family members, especially when doing so would probably cause them to try to convince him "he's dreaming" and he should "be realistic".
By "going crazy", he was teaching himself how cars work by reverse engineering them, so that he could build a better one.
Now, maybe not everyone knows his story but who doesn't know of Crylser today, at least as a brand?
So why I am reiterating this story?
For one simple reason:
Women are not cars.
Yeah, kind of obvious, right?
But to those who try to reverse-engineer attraction, they may as well be.
In fact, they seem to think they're very smart for doing it.
And you know what?
They probably are.
However, if you're not just interested in sexual gratification and you eventually want to find Love and a great relationship, reverse-engineering attraction cannot and will not allow you to attain it.
In fact, it sets the foundation for the exact opposite.
The reason is simple:
Reverse-engineering attraction only accounts for the Physical Nature of women. It does not account for the Soul Nature. And if we only approach our relations with and to women through the lens of their Physical Natures at the exclusion of their Soul Natures, we limit ourselves to the benefits of Sex alone.
And if that's your thing, my matertial probably isn't for you.
But if you're interested in both Love and Sex, it would be my advice to you that you stop using "techniques".
Stop expermienting with them.
Stop reading about them.
Throw them out.
They may make good "training wheels" but what good does it do you to continue using them if they don't allow you to balance for yourself?
The truth is:
The techniques are destroying the foundation for Love.
Everything a technique will do for you can be better accomplished by harnessing Nature rather than manipulating Nature.
If you embrace The Psychology of Masculinity, the attraction takes care of itself as it was designed to in Nature. And not only that, it has the very foundation for the capacity of Love naturally "built in".
For what is the foundation of Love?
Absolutely no desire to control or manipulate our partners into doing what we want them to do... and refusing to let them control or manipulate us.
Yet what do techniques generally do, no matter how we may try to deny it?
You got it.
Furthermore, show me the man who claims to have found Love by using techniques and I will show you a liar.
| Published by Jay Julio under Women and Relationships |
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