The Critical Difference Between Love and Obsession
» Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 07:03pm |
There was a time when I wasn't too fond of the idea of "Love".
Maybe it began when I started exploring so-called "self-help", only to encounter various "gurus" who sounded no different than hippies who mistake "peace" for an excuse to argue and "love" for permission to indulge the animal passions.
Or maybe it went further back, as I had many family members claim to "love" me as I grew up while their behavior proved the opposite.
Their language was filled with "love" but their actions revealed the opposite.
It seems to me that some are in love with the idea of "Love".
And for what purpose?
Though they may not realize it, it's often used as a means of control and manipulation.
The motive, of course, is generally the fear of loneliness.
This, simply, is an effect of ignorance... and who can do something different than what they know — though there is the choice to seek the Truth.
I susecpt that most but perhaps the truly Wise would take offence to being called ignorant.
But the facts of Life remain the same, age after age.
The reason is simple:
Nature is immutable, and She governs Life.
With that, here's perhaps one of the most — if not THE most important discovery I've made:
"The basis of Love is founded on the absence of the desire to control others."
And when it comes to the Sex Relationship between a man and a woman, True Love can only be present to the degree to which neither partner has any urge to control the other, and in any way whatsoever.
And the only way I know this to be possible is for both partners to have mastered themselves, their "animal" instincts, fears and passions — or their Destructive Nature.
Awareness of ourselves being the foundation, for to know ourselves is to know Nature and Nature's purposes.
It will be found that the greater our ability to control and check these Destructive Impulses, the lesser our desire to control our partners to the exact same degree.
So if these processes are the basis underneath the concept of True Love and we're given a concept that contradicts it, what does that mean to us?
What happens when we're led to believe that something that isn't true to the facts is the truth?
Don't we believe in a lie — or at best, a misconception?
When we're bombard with films and television, where characters are supposedly "in love", yet on the one hand they smother and fawn over their lover with gifts and flowers backed by the unconscious motive of control, while on the other hand they seek vengeance for being scorned, the opposite pole of control.
Is that Love?
Or is it Obsession?
And if these are, in truth, different operations (which I consider to be near polar opposites), what distinguished one from the other?
Perhaps it can be best put this way:
What if we were told that the word for the color blue was red?
Or what if we were color blind since birth, and by a "miracle" our sight was restored?
Wouldn't that mean that when we saw the color blue, which may now be perceived as our old red, wouldn't we have difficulty identifying it?
Wouldn't we start calling the color blue red for the simple reason that the attributes of that color have, through our entire experience and memory, been associated with it?
In the same way, what if this same scenario has been the case with Love?
What if we have come to call "Love" what is in actuality, upon the facts of Nature, Obsession — instead of having the capacity to recognize it for what it truly is?
And if this analogy holds true, is it any wonder True Love is rare?
Is it any surprise that we fail to find it over and over again, no matter what method we try next?
Perhaps the reason is simple...
Maybe the reason is because what we try is an effort that contradicts its essential nature.
If it is true that the basis of True Love is the absence of desire to control our partner, and if you consider what you've experimented with or tried in the past to satisfy your "love life", would I be correct to assume that the focus of these methods was to control or get a woman to do or feel what we want them to?
Maybe the problem isn't with women.
Maybe it's not with us either.
Perhaps it's in the approach or attitude toward Love, itself.
| Published by Jay Julio under Beliefs and Attitude |
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Comments...
Brandon said:
Speaking of "love", I am wondering what do you think about narcissism Jay?Posted Tuesday, October 20, 2009 at 08:06pm
Jay said:
I ask, what does narcissism have to do with Love?
Posted Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 04:44am
Brandon said:
I was kidding about narcissism being "love". I just was interested in your view on narcissism (i.e. its' origin,etc.)Posted Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 02:59pm
Jay said:
To what end?
Posted Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 04:27pm
Drew said:
Yeah,I think he means that feeling of falling in "love".
Like what polyamourists have.The fall in love with multiple people but that's just falling inlove.They don't love,they just want to fall in love.
Posted Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 07:17pm
Brandon said:
To be more clear (and ask the question that I was truly thinking of), I was wondering if psychological disorders were Nature's way of saying that a person has not properly attended to his or her emotional needs?Posted Monday, October 26, 2009 at 07:58pm
Jay said:
You still haven't told me why you ask.
Posted Monday, October 26, 2009 at 08:37pm
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