The Dangerous Dynamic
» Tuesday, November 10th, 2009 at 07:05am |
There is one trend in Human Nature that comes about due to the mutual submission to our Destructive Natures.
It is this Dangerous Dynamic which would appear to be responsible for most — if not all animosity and disharmony, both in interpersonal relationships as well as in national or public relations between communities or countries.
It can be demonstrated thus:
Someone, usually through the fear-based channel of their Destructive Nature, crosses another's boundary yet does not recognize what he has done or refuses to acknowledge it.
The person on the receiving end responds to having their boundary crossed from their own Destructive Nature, usually through its anger-based channel.
Now both parties are operating from their Destructive Natures rather than thinking rationally.
If we know this, it is probably not too difficult for us to think back in our memories and easily recognize the Dangerous Dynamic in operation many times over in our lives.
And upon doing so, we will notice the end result is this:
The person who initiated this Dangerous Dynamic was either too proud or ignorant to notice how what he did triggered the other person's Instinctive Response — often either due to a lack of understanding of Human Nature, lack of Self-Awareness, or Pride — therefore, he blames that person for their reaction to his own Destructive Behavior instead of recognizing he has been in error.
In fact, he often takes it further and looks at the other as being "the problem".
That person who has been trespassed against adds to his initial instinctive anger an additional rage from the recognition of the other person's ignorance of his actions or his unwillingness and even indignant refusal to acknowledge it.
And, in this, the real issue is never resolved.
Each play their role, yet both consider the fault to be fully on the other end.
For on one hand, the instigator doesn't see or refuses to see the reality of his trespassing. And on the other, the recipient often ends up holding a grudge because of it, and perhaps further takes up vengence.
It will likely be observed that we have all been on both sides of this Dangerous Dynamic at one point or another.
Furthermore, it has been my observation in a great deal of sex relationships that it is generally us men who often cross women's boundaries without knowing it, and when they respond instinctively to our behavior, we blame them for it and condemn them for being "the problem".
Of course, it does go the other way too. But it seems more times than not, us men, in our stronger innate tendency toward Arrogance and Self-Righteousness, initiate it.
It has also been my observation that the Dangerous Dynamic is very often the very root of misery or failure in relationships and marriages, which, if it was understood by both parties and each took responsibility for acknowledging what part in the dynamic they played, the real issues could be resolved, leading to harmony (assuming the couple's Individualities are fitted to one another in the first place).
Upon the nature of the Dangerous Dynamic, this would seem to be the practical reason why the Master said: "Do good to those who hate you."
The reason is simple:
It short-circuits the Dangerous Dynamic through the deliberate control of our Instinctive Response in relation to others destructive behavior.
And by control, I'm not talking about suppressing the response or pretending it doesn't bother us, as we're often taught to be the definition or operation of Self-Control.
In fact, I would argue that it is often better to submit to the instinctive response by expressing it and letting it out (as long as no great harm comes of it) rather than ignore it.
Furthermore, by refusing to admit the Instinctive Response, which is destructive, it does not have a negative affect on us, and thus, we are not penalized for it.
I've found, in regard to the Dangerous Dynamic on the "receiving end", that:
1) Suppression sacrifices personal power, but maintains what may still be considered a form or surface level of "trust" at the expense of harboring a hidden grudge, which, often, also goes ignored.
2) Expression maintains personal power, but destroys the trust of others and often generates animosity from them, causing them to go on the defensive and refuse to admit their trangressions by instead justifying it or retaliating.
3) And control maintains personal power, and actually strengthens the trust of others — what might be said to be the working or practical application of Compassion.
If you look back at my earlier work which it might be found was simply "disguised" as dating advice, you'll see these responses correspond directly with the Nice Guy, the Jerk, and the Cool Guy "archetypes".
It should be apparent that the differences between them are based solely on the manner of response to Destructive Behavior" from others: suppression, expression, or control.
| Published by Jay Julio under Character and Personality |
|
Comments...
No comments yet
Leave a Comment...
You must be logged in to leave comments. Don't have an account? Register